Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Rules for Facebook Stalkers

We all know him, or her (it's the internet, so gender is "iffy", regardless, because that sexy person you've been chatting with could be a ginormous person that you'd never have interest in, anyway)

If you don't have a Facebook stalker, then you really need to update your profile.
We ALL do it! To At.Least.ONE.Person.
If you're not that person, well, get a life, steal some updates off of "Status Shuffle" and hope someone notices you.

I, myself, will openly admit that I I Facebook stalk people. Do I stalk you? Hmmmm....You will probably never know, because I consider myself a PRO at it! There is some "etiquette", if you will, about being a Facebook stalker.

Number One reason for the "etiquette"?

That's the bottom line, anyway, right?!?!

So, here are my "tips" for becoming a successful, yet hidden, FB stalker:

1. If it's been more than 2 hours since the last comment, do NOT comment or "like" the post! It's an "iffy" situation at that point, and you don't want to seem needy.

2. Do NOT "like" several pics or comments in a row that were posted MONTHS ago!! Honestly, doing that shit just WARNS people that you're thinking about standing outside of their house with binoculars and, possibly, a handgun.

3. NEVER, and I'll repeat, NEVER comment about any changes to their profile. If you do that, then consider it Game.Fucking.Over. They INSTANTLY know that you are checking them out, drooling over their pics, and probably wondering why every status update seems to pertain to them!

That being said, continue to FB stalk, creep on those who don't know you secretly do it, and, for the sake of humanity, Be.Fucking.Smart.About it!!