I'm sorry that life dealt you a hand that no one should ever have to play. I hate that the only one around to wipe your tears is the one who is crying alongside you. I want you to know that my life's goal is to NEVER be the one who lets you down and makes you cry. I'm sorry that I can't erase the past. Trust me, if I could, I would.
I hate that my decisions caused you this pain, and that it will be decades before you ever understand why I did it. I'm sorry that I'm the only one who wanted our family to be whole, but I hope someday you will understand that we can't force others to feel the same way we do, no matter how desperately we want it.
I sometimes wish you could have seen the trauma I suffered just so you'd understand why I did what I did, but I'm thankful that I was successful in never letting you see it. That may very well be my proudest Mommy moment ever. Even though I can't save you from this pain now, I saved you from it then.
Watching someone else break your heart is the toughest thing I've ever had to do. Except for listening to you say how you think I broke it first. I want you to know that my heart breaks twofold for every crack you feel in yours. I will endure that pain forever. Gladly. If it means protecting you from a hurt that I know is worse, then so be it.
While I may never be able to stop all of your pain, I will always try my hardest to make sure that you understand that real love comes with respect. Words are hollow. Actions are solid. I promise to always make sure my actions hold up to my words.
I hate that you are the one suffering most. You deserve to suffer the least. You did NOTHING wrong. You were one of the four reasons we stayed a family as long as we did!!! You are PERFECT. Just as you are.
I promise you this: You WILL grow up without the tirades and abuse I endured. You WILL know how much your mother is grateful for every moment she has with you. You WILL know that every tear you shed will be shed by me as well. And things WILL get better......so help me God, I WILL make them better for you.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Every now and then, some
holier than thou perfect parent asshole finds the need to tell me about how terrible of a parent I am. You know what? I. Fucking. Am. And so are you. And you over there. And, well, maybe not her over there, but she's a douchenozzle, and her kids remind me of those creepy little shits in the "Stepford Children"--we all know how that will turn out in the end. But I digress.
We all are in some respect. You know why? Because we're all human. Well, maybe not Boy1. His place on the Evolutionary Chart is still up for debate. But he's not a parent, so my point is still valid for several years. If you want to come back 20 years from now when he has his own child (yes, I'm completely dismissing any and all possibility that I will ever be a grandparent before the eldest turns 28. Because. I. Can.) and argue about how utterly wrong I am about all parents being human, then be my guest. And, while you're at it, get a fucking life.
Now, back to my point. If I can remember what that was.
Ok, I remember it.
THIS is exactly what you see when you go to my page on Facebook. See that little "about" section? The part where it says that I make stuff up just to amuse myself? Phheeeww! *wipes brow knowing I'm not the only one who sees it*
|"This page is 100% my crazy life. Except when it's not, and I need to embellish it or flat out make shit up just to amuse myself."|
I consider that little section to be fair warning to everyone that *gasp* I often embellish stuff that happens in my life, or I just flat out make shit up to keep myself laughing when things get rough. It's my
I guess this is the point where I feel that I need to clarify WTF this post is actually about. Hell, I'm not even sure what it's about now because I'm too damn lazy to scroll back and look at what I actually wrote, but I'll just assume it's this: Stop judging everyone else. Stop thinking that every post by every person/page it "true". Learn to laugh. Make fun of your own life. And think about how fucking funny your own "real life" stuff could be if you just took a moment to step back and wonder "What if life's chaos had happened THIS way, instead?".
Everyone needs a place to