Thursday, May 10, 2012

Random Thoughts to Save the World

Have you ever looked at the world and thought that there is no hope for humanity? If you haven't then you must be a fucking clueless bastard real optimist.

This is an honest conversation that several admins and I had about how to save the world. And some who wanted to destroy our genius plan.

SIDENOTE: Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Also the guilty who obviously want to see the world in ruins. 

HH and I just figured out how to create world peace and solve the economic crisis. It may involve sporking birds, jamaican jerk vulture, big boobed shrines in our honor, and mass amounts of plastic surgery, and Ryan Reynolds. Just thought you should know.
 ·  ·  · Yesterday at 5:21pm

    • HH: it's a foolproof plan

    • STFU: Impossible to fail.

    • PAUSE: How can I help
      Yesterday at 5:25pm via mobile · 

    • HH: the first step is to spork all birds on the planet. fuckers.
      Yesterday at 5:25pm ·  ·  1

    • STFU: So we need lots of sporks.

    • NSM: I can get knorks, or do you want to stick with sporks?
      Yesterday at 5:26pm ·  ·  1
    • HH: spork per bird. unless you get the metal ones. those
      might be a better investment
      Yesterday at 5:26pm ·  ·  2

    • STFU: knorks could work
      Yesterday at 5:26pm ·  ·  2

    • HH: they are pretty sturdy

    • HH: really all we need to do is go to fast food restaurants
      and swipe them.
    • HH: and then begin to spork away
    •  STFU: But set the vultures aside on ice until we find a really
       good jamaican jerk recipe.

    • HH: that is where we will make our millions and receive praise
      for ridding the world of vermin in a delicious way
      Yesterday at 5:30pm ·  ·  1

    • STFU: I think they bailed on our plan. Too bad, too, because
      we were just going to tell them about the Nobel Peace Prize
      and shrines. sheesh
    • HH: and the resurgence of economies all over the world. tsk
      Yesterday at 5:32pm ·  ·  1

    • STFU: They have no vision. Dammit. The world is screwed.
      Yesterday at 5:32pm ·  ·  1

    • HH: It's just you and me
      Yesterday at 5:32pm ·  ·  1

    • HH: against the world.
    • STFU: ‎^I'm fine with that.

    • PAUSE: I'm still here, I'm collecting supplies
      Yesterday at 5:34pm via mobile ·  ·  2

    • HH: excellent
      Yesterday at 5:39pm ·  ·  1

    • F4F: We're all doomed!!! ;-)
      Yesterday at 5:45pm via mobile · 

    • HH: YOU are, while we will flourish
      Yesterday at 5:47pm ·  ·  2

    • STFU: ‎^that. They won't be allowed in the Cultured Vulture,
      and since that's all anyone will ever eat, they'll starve.
      Yesterday at 5:48pm ·  ·  2

    • HH: ‎^bazinga!
      Yesterday at 5:48pm ·  ·  1
    • F4F: I saw what happened to STFU's hotel... Nuff said. :)
      Yesterday at 5:50pm via mobile ·  ·  1
    • HH: haters gonna hate
      Yesterday at 5:51pm ·  ·  1
    • STFU: Can we banish F4F to the moon?
      Yesterday at 5:51pm ·  ·  2

    • F4F: Thanks "Alice." :)
      Yesterday at 5:53pm via mobile ·  ·  1

    • HH: POW!
      Yesterday at 5:55pm ·  ·  1

    • Diary: Did you all get high without me?!?!
      Yesterday at 5:56pm ·  ·  1

    • F4F: Haha.
      Yesterday at 5:57pm via mobile · 

    • STFU: Nope. Just trying to better the world.

    • Diary: Oh okay...just making sure! Thought there might have
      been a little puff puff pass action going on! O.o

    • F4F: I think STFU and HH bought some "magic" beans...
      Yesterday at 5:59pm via mobile ·  ·  2

    • HH: No, we're just geniuses
      Yesterday at 5:59pm via mobile ·  ·  1

    • HH: Using our powers for good
      Yesterday at 6:00pm via mobile ·  ·  1

    • STFU: This is actually one of our more mild plans. You
      should hear the story about the tooth fairy, boob fairy, and
      laundry fairy.
      Yesterday at 6:00pm ·  ·  1
    • NASAIL: Just so you all know, as soon as I read this 39
      minutes ago, I acquired the rights to all sporks, knorks, and
      jerk seasoning. So, for your plan to work you will have to
      pay me a hefty sum. Or do all of my laundry forever.
      Yesterday at 6:01pm ·  ·  1
    • F4F: Which one turns into water and which one turns in to a
      big fluffy pink Mammoth again?
      Yesterday at 6:02pm via mobile · 
    • STFU: Can we get back to the part where we've now ridden
      the world of those vile creatures and ended world hunger at
      the same time so they award us the Nobel Prize?
      Yesterday at 6:02pm ·  ·  1

    • STFU: ‎NASAIL, once we follow through with our plan, you
      will be paid a hefty sum.
    • STFU: And why are you trying to stop worldwide happiness?
      You're supposed to be the nice one.
    • NASAIL: I'll need some money up front or a goodly amount
      of laundry done before I release the merch.
    • NASAIL: No STFU I'm not the nice one. Remember;
      "Not As Sweet As I Look".
      Yesterday at 6:07pm ·  ·  1

    • STFU: Fine. I've got PAUSE making knew knorks as we
      speak. We'll work around your evil genius.
      Yesterday at 6:08pm ·  ·  1
    • NASAIL: I shall sue you, I own all the copyrights. Besides,
      you cannot have worldwide happiness unless you plan to kill
      the dissenters.
      Yesterday at 6:09pm ·  ·  1

    • STFU: And I'll make my own jerk seasoning.
    • NASAIL: Can't no seasoning available to do it. Oh, I also
      had vultures declared endangered, so you cannot kill them.
      Yesterday at 6:10pm ·  ·  1

    • STFU: There will be no dissenters. And they'll drop all
      charges after we save the world and realize we had to do it
      for the betterment of all humankind.
    • NASAIL: Can't save the world from jail. There are always
      dissenters. I mean, F4F is already one.
    • NASAIL: I'll lead a revolution.
    • STFU: So you WANT to live in a world with vultures
      pooping on your head and no big boob shrines? That's just
    • NASAIL: I have big boobs, I'm like my own shrine and
      I don't think it was a vulture that pooped on HH and I
      have never been pooped on by one. I don't
      even know anyone that has ever been pooped on by one.
       Really, should we punish all vultures for the alleged
      sins of the few?
      Yesterday at 6:16pm ·  ·  1
    • STFU: Fine. The first vulture lives. I'll make him my pet.
      (His name is George. Say hi to George). I'll train him to
      take out the leader of the revolution first. Since he's a
      vulture, all evidence is destroyed.
      Yesterday at 6:16pm ·  ·  1
    • NASAIL: Pssh, not all evidence. They really are not
      very effective at destroying a corpse.
    • STFU: Either way. A vulture did it. Not us. When
      was the last time you saw someone convicted of
      murder via training a vulture named George? Ok,
      now that the revolution has been eaten...errr...
      taken care of...
    • STFU: Oh yeah, back to the Nobel Prize. We
      win it. (Go us!!!) and everyone is so grateful
      that their world is now awesome, so they build
      shrines in our honor. Lots of them.
      And the really pretty ones. The boobs will be
      perky and bigger than our real ones,
      but only because no one wants to make us sad.
      Yesterday at 6:26pm ·  ·  1
    • HH: NASAIL just doesn't want to see us succeed.
      Yesterday at 6:32pm ·  ·  1

    • HH: and she likes anarchy an chaos
      Yesterday at 6:32pm ·  ·  2
    • HH: plus i'm going to need proof of this paperwork that I do
      not believe exists.
      mhmmm that's right, calling your bluff evil woman
      Yesterday at 6:33pm ·  ·  2
    • STFU: While NASAIL is gathering nonexistent paperwork
      in the off chance that George didn't get her, I'll continue.
      So, since everyone now adores us, they all need to get plastic
      surgery to emulate the new "big boobed" us, and plastic
      surgeons around the world are suddenly busier than
      they've ever been before.
    • HH: this will pump much needed money back into the
      economy, since it will then be a buyers market.
      Jerk vulture and tattis all around
      Yesterday at 6:37pm ·  ·  1
    • STFU: ‎^right? So all the little kiddos who grow up
      worshiping our shrines, see this, and go to college
      to become plastic surgeons and earn the newest,
      most popular degree in tattoo artistry.
      Education. Fixed.
      Yesterday at 6:41pm ·  ·  2
    • HH: Thus ending world hunger with the jerk chicken
       AND encouraging children to get higher education.
      It will also encourage people to start their own businesses.
      BA DA BING- the american dream has been restored
      and spread throughout the world
      Yesterday at 6:42pm ·  ·  1
    • HH: ‎*jerk VULTURE
      Yesterday at 6:43pm ·  ·  1

    • HH: sheesh.
    • STFU: We get elected as the first ever co-Presidents, but
      we decline because we are too busy travelling the world to
      satisfy our worshipers and relax on beaches while we harass
      cabana boys.
      Yesterday at 6:44pm ·  ·  1
    • HH: sexually harass :)
      Yesterday at 6:45pm ·  ·  2
    • HH: Oh, and Ryan Reynolds will BEG to work for us.
      He likes the touching
      Yesterday at 6:46pm ·  ·  1
    • STFU: ‎^right. My bad. Then Ryan Reynolds
      (who's been in awe of us this whole time)
      begs to be our full time cabana boy.
      Yesterday at 6:46pm ·  ·  1
    • STFU: JINX!!
    • HH: piss
    • STFU: ‎^^and THAT's how we save the world.
      Yesterday at 6:47pm ·  ·  1

    • HH: anyone who doesn't agree wants to see the world implode!
      Yesterday at 6:47pm ·  ·  1
    • STFU: We are a beacon of hope in a sea of darkness.

    • HH: I read that as a sea of diarrhea. same diff
      Yesterday at 6:48pm ·  ·  1

    • STFU: We should contact the giant rat. This deserves to be
      a movie. I'm dying over here!!!

    • PAUSE: I'm holding ryan reynolds hostage
      Yesterday at 6:49pm via mobile · 
    • HH: hell no you won't. we have ULTIMATE POWER!
      Yesterday at 6:49pm ·  ·  2

    • HH: and to think this all started with my boob getting shit
      on by a bird AGAIN
      Yesterday at 6:49pm ·  ·  3

    • HH: I'm not sure disney would go for the sexual harassment
      part heh
      Yesterday at 6:50pm ·  ·  1

    • HH: OR the slaughter of all the birds thanks to doodoo.
      but it's for the best. wtf do they do for us anyway??
      Yesterday at 6:50pm ·  ·  1

    • STFU: They can censor it. It's at the end, anyway. After
      the credits?
      Yesterday at 6:50pm ·  ·  1

    • HH: hahaha it will look like bloopers. if only they knew
      Yesterday at 6:53pm ·  ·  2
    • STFU: ‎^perfect!!

    • HH: print this shit out. it's screenplay sellin' time
      Yesterday at 6:54pm ·  ·  2

    • The players:
      STFU- That's me! Fucking DUUHHH!!!

      HH- Holdin Holden

      PAUSE: Life on PAUSE

      Diary: Diary of a Not So Wimpy Mom

      NASAIL: Not As Sweet As I Look:

      F4F: Fodder 4 Fathers

      I you don't find that funny, then you obviously don't know me. I'm still laughing a day later about it!!! The question is, which one of you is going to submit this as a screenplay to a major movie studio for us?!?!?