Well, 3 weeks without a car later, I'm finally
First on the list. Walmart. It's a Saturday, and I have all four
I was having a bit of a "Leave it to Beaver" meets the "Twilight Zone" kind of experience so I decided to reward
At this point I'm feeling pretty
Off to the grocery store! When we got to the store, a sweet, elderly couple was right behind us. Giggling as the baby would pick up an item, ask to buy it, and shrug it off and put it back in exactly the right place when I told her "No, not today". Smiling when the Princess walked up to her brothers, kissed them on the cheek, and they thanked her. Mind you, I am not really a fan of old people. It's not that I don't like them. It's more that I can't fucking stand being around the majority of them. I blame my grandmother. She was a mean old bitch, and I think she scarred me from a young age. But this couple, in my blissfully ignorant state, was so cute that I could only imagine that their whole life had been one Norman Rockwell painting after another.
About halfway through the store, the Rockwellesque couple turns to me and says, "It's so refreshing to see such well behaved children for a change! You are obviously a wonderful mother." I'm serious when I tell you that I was in absolute
I instantly knew that this deceptive fucking couple (Understand why I don't like old people, now?) had just started the fucking apocalypse. The baby starts throwing stuff. The Princess tries to jump out of the cart. Gets her foot stuck. And falls on her fucking ass. And, suddenly, the boys think its the perfect time for a WWE Royal Rumble (do they still have those anymore?!?) in the middle of aisle fucking 6. I'll bet you didn't know that a 2 yr. old is the perfect size to climb under a grocery shelf but require emergency assistance to get back out. WTF?!?!? Do they have tire spikes under those damn things?!?
They should praise me for my parenting skills! I deserve it. Sally fucking Field worshiping, old bat can stop shelling out her Social Security checks for Boniva once a month because her back straightened right the fuck up for the first time in twenty years! Dirty old bastard? Well, let's just say, that I'd be really shocked if he doesn't send me a Christmas card this year because he ran away in such a big ass hurry that that cane never hit the ground. Not. Fucking. Once.
When was the last time someone unknowingly ruined your Norman Rockwell Moment?