Monday, August 6, 2012

Internet Trolls, Liars Versus Those of us Who Just Want Laugh

Every now and then, some holier than thou perfect parent asshole finds the need to tell me about how terrible of a parent I am. You know what? I. Fucking. Am. And so are you. And you over there. And, well, maybe not her over there, but she's a douchenozzle, and her kids remind me of those creepy little shits in the "Stepford Children"--we all know how that will turn out in the end. But I digress.

We all are in some respect. You know why? Because we're all human. Well, maybe not Boy1. His place on the Evolutionary Chart is still up for debate. But he's not a parent, so my point is still valid for several years. If you want to come back 20 years from now when he has his own child (yes, I'm completely dismissing any and all possibility that I will ever be a grandparent before the eldest turns 28. Because. I. Can.) and argue about how utterly wrong I am about all parents being human, then be my guest. And, while you're at it, get a fucking life.

Now, back to my point. If I can remember what that was. 
Ok, I remember it.

THIS is exactly what you see when you go to my page on Facebook. See that little "about" section? The part where it says that I make stuff up just to amuse myself? Phheeeww! *wipes brow knowing I'm not the only one who sees it*

"This page is 100% my crazy life. Except when it's not, and I need to embellish it or flat out make shit up just to amuse myself."

I consider that little section to be fair warning to everyone that *gasp* I often embellish stuff that happens in my life, or I just flat out make shit up to keep myself laughing when things get rough. It's my cover my ass in court get out of jail free card, if you will. Guess what.? And I know you'll all be surprised by this, but Facebook. Isn't. Real. At least, it's not, for me. It's an outlet. A way to introduce everyone to how MY mind works. Maybe not everyone (remember douchenozzle, Stepford Mom in the corner? BTW, someone needs to pass that bitch a paper bag because I'm pretty sure she's hyperventilating by now). But people who are able to actually separate the real world from the internet.

Don't get me wrong. Lying. Is. Bad. Really fucking bad. I despise liars. In fact, the thing my kiddos fear the most is getting caught in a lie. (Except for boys hitting girls, but they're still young and already know that that shit isn't gonna fly.)  Because they know how much that punishment is going to suck compared to anything else they could do. And, trust me, I know how to spot a lie. Just to clarify. Jokes. Good. Sarcasm. Better. Lies. Get ready for Mommy to ruin your damn day.

I guess this is the point where I feel that I need to clarify WTF this post is actually about. Hell, I'm not even sure what it's about now because I'm too damn lazy to scroll back and look at what I actually wrote, but I'll just assume it's this: Stop judging everyone else. Stop thinking that every post by every person/page it "true". Learn to laugh. Make fun of your own life. And think about how fucking funny your own "real life" stuff could be if you just took a moment to step back and wonder "What if life's chaos had happened THIS way, instead?".

Everyone needs a place to stop short of murdering innocent bystanders vent/laugh/make fun of themselves. For me, that place is the internet. I don't judge anyone on any random post they make. I know what's real and what's not. Just ignore me while I choose to laugh instead of being a little bitch about it.


  1. LOVE this! Good on you, hate that you had to explain, but we can't all be born with common sense or a sense of humor ;)

  2. I LOVE that you used "Douchenozzle!!!" Hell yes!

  3. LMAO Douchenozzle. Chica, you rock. You're one of the reasons I started blogging. My goal is to be at least half as funny and entertaining as you. Keep the laughs coming, because that post about being a big girl now and the ex still has me laughing

  4. Thank you all!!! This whole blog thing still has me nervous, but you guys make it worth it!!!

  5. You are awesome. This is fantastic. I love it!!!