I'm sorry that life dealt you a hand that no one should ever have to play. I hate that the only one around to wipe your tears is the one who is crying alongside you. I want you to know that my life's goal is to NEVER be the one who lets you down and makes you cry. I'm sorry that I can't erase the past. Trust me, if I could, I would.
I hate that my decisions caused you this pain, and that it will be decades before you ever understand why I did it. I'm sorry that I'm the only one who wanted our family to be whole, but I hope someday you will understand that we can't force others to feel the same way we do, no matter how desperately we want it.
I sometimes wish you could have seen the trauma I suffered just so you'd understand why I did what I did, but I'm thankful that I was successful in never letting you see it. That may very well be my proudest Mommy moment ever. Even though I can't save you from this pain now, I saved you from it then.
Watching someone else break your heart is the toughest thing I've ever had to do. Except for listening to you say how you think I broke it first. I want you to know that my heart breaks twofold for every crack you feel in yours. I will endure that pain forever. Gladly. If it means protecting you from a hurt that I know is worse, then so be it.
While I may never be able to stop all of your pain, I will always try my hardest to make sure that you understand that real love comes with respect. Words are hollow. Actions are solid. I promise to always make sure my actions hold up to my words.
I hate that you are the one suffering most. You deserve to suffer the least. You did NOTHING wrong. You were one of the four reasons we stayed a family as long as we did!!! You are PERFECT. Just as you are.
I promise you this: You WILL grow up without the tirades and abuse I endured. You WILL know how much your mother is grateful for every moment she has with you. You WILL know that every tear you shed will be shed by me as well. And things WILL get better......so help me God, I WILL make them better for you.